Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:12

i think it’s funny (though the word i really mean is more like “befuddling” or “illogical”) that when i’m feeling down and dejected and like the world is against me, my inclination is to coop myself up inside and trudge around an empty room. but that God pulls me outside those four walls and uses the world at large to deflate that suffocating, downward-spiral of a balloon.

that’s how it was today for me. out of nowhere, i got this sudden and abrupt sense of hopelessness, like everything good that i’d been amped about and excited for was all empty and a ploy and i wasn’t going to see any of it. i started getting really anxious and pacing around. i didn’t know what to do. i tried reading a book but that didn’t help. i only got more anxious. so i did the only thing i could and started praying about it. with my breathing fast and my thoughts anxious, i told God how scared i was. it wasn’t until i was praying that i pinpointed that what i was feeling was actually hopelessness, which of course pulled the curtain down and showed who was really at work in that situation.

after i realized that and reminded myself of all of God’s promises to prosper me and give me the good things that my heart yearns for (drawing closer to him, fulfilling his will for my life/love/location/etc.) i knew what i needed to do. i jumped up and bolted out the door to go for a walk. and that’s when i really got my footing back again. with my ipod serenading me and my eyes open and searching for God and my pocket Bible in hand, God threw open the doors that restored my sense of hope and rest and peace in his goodness and the provisions he promises to bring my way.

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For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD
Jeremiah 29:11-14

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i know God loves to work in ways that baffle us and that don’t seem to make sense, but somehow–even though i can’t put my finger on it–it does make sense: that breaking out of the confines of the ordinary and stepping back into the world–where anything is possible and novelty is all around–will pull you closer to him. i remember when i was reading about fasting, one of the things they encouraged was that when you steeped yourself in prayer, make sure you go somewhere not at home to do it. home is cozy and comfortable, but sometimes that’s not what we need. sometimes we need strangeness to awaken us to the Truth and to open our eyes to what’s really going on here.

today was one such day.

and it worked; by stepping out, i found my way back home again.

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:31

No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame….
Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Psalm 25:3-5

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