The thing I’ve struggled with the most, lately, has been the idea of trying to understand everything that’s happened these past couple of months. I’ve been wrestling with, “Well what was the point, then?!” and came up shorthanded every time, which only frustrated me more.

But last night I finished reading Cameron Conant’s second memoir “The Year I Got Everything I Wanted,” which had been a Christmas present. While I really enjoyed his first book, this second one was definitely the capstone of the two endeavors—rich writing (the book parallels Solomon’s book of Ecclesiastes, which is a pretty cool literary approach) but also full of insights and lessons to be taken and bookmarked. One such one spoke volumes to me as he started a new chapter off with this verse from Ecclesiastes, which i underlined about a dozen times (filling up as much space as i could with the emphasis-marks) because it was so poignant and especially fitting:

Ecclesiastes 11:5: as you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, SO YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE WORK OF GOD, THE MAKER OF ALL THINGS.

The thing is, when it comes to things like creation and evolution and physics, I have no problem shrugging my shoulders and saying, “Well isn’t that evidence itself of God?” i just know that it’s God who’s behind all them and how in the world could we even begin to fathom Him and His ways?! So with those big-picture issues, i’m completely content to just accept them as-is and as bigger than my comprehension. In fact, that complexity is what i love about Him! but when that complexity creeps into my own life, i wrestle and thrash as i try to make sense of it all. why, oh why?!

And I have to just learn that not everything is for me to understand—perhaps, as is said the the Chronicles of Narnia which I’m still listening my way through–“it’s not part of my story,” and thus not for me to know. That I have to stop struggling to make sense of it and just accept it as is and ask God that if I’m to understand it that I will, and that if not, that he will use it in whatever way he needs to. Because I know it has a purpose—even if I can’t see it. I have to trust in that, and that it’s all about something bigger, anyway…

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