now i admit that here i am, sitting in short sleeves and i didn’t even wear my coat out to my car this morning. however, with the knowledge that thanksgiving is almost here (!), i can’t help but not be able to accomplish anything today. i just feel like a vacation is on it’s way. i feel like good things are finally here and i’m looking forward to them. fitting that right now i’m listening to hawk nelson: “let’s pack up and move to california. hop on board before we get older. raise your hands, we’re heading for the border. come on, come on, come on!”

and that’s not just because it’s the holidays. i feel like a vacation is on it’s way for reasons larger than the holidays. it’s the fact that things emotionally are feeling better. encouraging. and not really because anything’s changed specifically–but moreso my perspective. and i think that that can make a world of difference; from dark to light, from somber and self-centered to open and aware and, yes, thankful.

yesterday and today have been consumed with all kinds of amazon searches (another component to my lack of productivity). yesterday alone i ordered 4 books (part of my “perspective change” epiphany) that i hope will help me with the struggle i have with letting go of control. i think that’s a big part of everything. that whole idea that i–and my perspective–am/is my own worst enemy. i think much of that is the devil sneaking in there and contorting things and manipulating things and always bringing them back to me when they most likely have nothing to do with me. but it’s so effective.

right now i’m trying to learn to Slow down. to Count my blessings. to Be quiet and embrace it, rather than spend my time running around and worrying and fretting with a wringing of hands (i love that phrase!). and that i’ll be grounded through it. and i am already. it seems like things are suspended in a slower motion, and moments are a little bit sweeter than they have been in awhile. so i’m trying to hold on to them and continue to pray for Patience, Forgiveness, Grace, Sufficiency, Gentility, Generosity, Selflessness and Humility to etch themselves into my heart and life and–yes–perspective. i know how important lessons are and that you learn best, with the deepest and most long-lasting results, when you learn step-by-step and don’t rush the results. so that’s what i’d like to do here: use these lessons to erect a foundation, so that i don’t have to ride this rollercoaster around any more times than necessary–that the amusement park is closed for the season.

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