You are currently browsing the monthly archive for November 2007.

I know thanksgiving was officially a week ago, but I also know that a day is only just that—a day. And so today I feel like it’s more like thanksgiving than a week ago. Why? Quite simply, the power of friendship.

For awhile there, I was holed-up in myself. It was the holidays so people were busy and I was just in a mood where I didn’t really feel like reaching out. I didn’t feel like catching people up on what was going on, I didn’t feel like talking about it and rehashing it again and again. But then I realized that—while I hope I’m great company for other people—I’m not good company for myself in times like these. It reminds me of the part in Chronicles of Narnia when Father Christmas comes and says that winter is finally starting to end, and all the ice starts melting and the grass starts showing and then the rivers break free.  Things come back to life.

That’s what I look at my friends and see.
Friday:
Betsy called to set up a date, which goes to show that ESP runs her in her family because it was just what I needed. Even though I probably wasn’t willing to reach out, I needed that time. We went to Max and Erma’s and gorged on their soup and fries and sandwiches and all kinds of conversation. It was a nice relief to everything else.
Tuesday:
Lovelies date with Holly and Kitty, which included Chipotle and crafts trips. We hadn’t done one of those in quite some time, either, because Betsy’s been traveling, but I knew that I couldn’t wait. I couldn’t not “fellowship,” however much it’s nice to self-indulge and sulk.
Wednesday: Lunch with Bee, then small group with Cathy and Brianna, which I’ve realized I need greatly in my life. I’d never had much experience with small groups before, but now I’m a big advocate, because I can see that where I’ve been really sad lately, that outlet has also been missing. We didn’t meet for almost two months, which is about just as long as I’ve been feeling upset. And so I know that things will still be tough and all that, but I think that that’s a good anchor to keep in my life, because it’s so rooted in what’s real and spiritual and connecting.
And then! I got to talk for about an hour to my friend Kristin, who lives in Phoenix. My dear, dear Kristin, who I haven’t talked to in probably months. Fortunately, the time change is now on our side (Arizona doesn’t abide by the laws of time, evidently) so she’s only 2 hours behind. And it’s funny because I didn’t even meet Kristin until spring quarter of my senior year—Easter weekend to be exact. And when we did meet, we were both trashed (I’m almost certain it was the drunkest I’ve ever been). And yet, that’s all it took. Ever since, we’ve been close and I can remember when I moved to Birmingham, she was the one I talked to most, even though at that point we’d only been friends for 4 months.

And that’s the thing I love most about friends, about the friends that I’m so fortunate to have, is that you know how genuine the friendship is when you can go for a time apart and then come back together like it was only a moment, rather than weeks or months. It’s like, time doesn’t distance you like it normally would. I’ve always held those relationships up as my only tool for comparison when it comes to love. That they are true love, and that I’ll know romantic love from holding it up to that light. It’s a tool that I hold dearly because I know that even if nothing else does compare, that I always have it there, undeniably. Even when I push away, they pull back, because they love and they care and they are selfless and know what to do.

So, I’m thankful. Thankfully.

Advertisements

making my way into work earlier this week, i happened to look down. it was the perfect leaf, strewn in with all kinds of other mottled and ripped leaves. it was a tiny little leaf, in the shape of a heart, with the stem pointing away from the heart-shape. it’s the leaf i’d been imagining if i ever get the guts to get a tattoo:

leaf.jpg

and placement of where i think i’d want it to end up (although i’d just want black and white–no color):

leafarm.jpg

yes, fall is my friend.

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful. —Buddha

now i admit that here i am, sitting in short sleeves and i didn’t even wear my coat out to my car this morning. however, with the knowledge that thanksgiving is almost here (!), i can’t help but not be able to accomplish anything today. i just feel like a vacation is on it’s way. i feel like good things are finally here and i’m looking forward to them. fitting that right now i’m listening to hawk nelson: “let’s pack up and move to california. hop on board before we get older. raise your hands, we’re heading for the border. come on, come on, come on!”

and that’s not just because it’s the holidays. i feel like a vacation is on it’s way for reasons larger than the holidays. it’s the fact that things emotionally are feeling better. encouraging. and not really because anything’s changed specifically–but moreso my perspective. and i think that that can make a world of difference; from dark to light, from somber and self-centered to open and aware and, yes, thankful.

yesterday and today have been consumed with all kinds of amazon searches (another component to my lack of productivity). yesterday alone i ordered 4 books (part of my “perspective change” epiphany) that i hope will help me with the struggle i have with letting go of control. i think that’s a big part of everything. that whole idea that i–and my perspective–am/is my own worst enemy. i think much of that is the devil sneaking in there and contorting things and manipulating things and always bringing them back to me when they most likely have nothing to do with me. but it’s so effective.

right now i’m trying to learn to Slow down. to Count my blessings. to Be quiet and embrace it, rather than spend my time running around and worrying and fretting with a wringing of hands (i love that phrase!). and that i’ll be grounded through it. and i am already. it seems like things are suspended in a slower motion, and moments are a little bit sweeter than they have been in awhile. so i’m trying to hold on to them and continue to pray for Patience, Forgiveness, Grace, Sufficiency, Gentility, Generosity, Selflessness and Humility to etch themselves into my heart and life and–yes–perspective. i know how important lessons are and that you learn best, with the deepest and most long-lasting results, when you learn step-by-step and don’t rush the results. so that’s what i’d like to do here: use these lessons to erect a foundation, so that i don’t have to ride this rollercoaster around any more times than necessary–that the amusement park is closed for the season.

i’m sick of my heart and would like to trade it in for another. that would pretty nice right about now. lash up the parts that aren’t working and get a new one that is New! And Improved! where i don’t have to worry or fret or fidget with old wounds or hurts.

i get afraid that my heart is permanently messed up, damaged goods and it’ll keep messing everything up. that because it’s been dropped and kicked and punched, that it will never learn its lesson and let up or be able to return to whence it came from–a place that’s pretty and unjaded and not awaiting disappointment and salty tears.

[cue background noise: wah, wah.]

i just feel like the last month has not been good to me and this little heart of mine. october: you are no friend of mine. and it just makes it hard because matter of the heart always float to the surface and take precedence and color and tinge everything else around them.

but how is that surprising? the heart is so important to everything we do and every way we live our lives. it’s supposed to be soft and supple and easily bruised. that’s what makes it so effective. we just tend to want it to be something it’s not: a machine that you can control and that is indestructible. mine isn’t like that. i wish i could turn it off and type in the command, “don’t overthink these things, don’t do this, don’t do that.” but it never listens. it’s an unruly heart. and while i’d prefer one that’s more disciplined, i know that’s not what i really want. because that’s a poor excuse of a heart.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

i’ve been sad and upset for about a month now. and i’m sick of talking about it. i’m sick of thinking about it. i’m sick of even dealing with it. how do you move on and recover from soemthing like that? that’s what i’m trying to do. because recovery is not an easy process either.

that seems to be the dominant theme here: things aren’t easy.

and while i can appreciate that in theory, when it comes to real life i struggle and trip over it. and get all tangled up in it. which is where i am. i think if i were cast into a movie of my life, the camera would pull back and there i’d be sitting on a sidewalk, sprawled out with yarn unspooled all around me as people rush by and look down but keep on going, shaking their heads. and i can’t for the life of me figure out how to pull all this yarn back together into a ball that makes any sense. or any sense that even a kitten would want to have anything to do with. much less a fellow human being.

and i’m not trying to be melodramatic. i know it sounds that way. and that you might feel like your first inclination is to email me and ask if i’m ok. here i’ll go ahead and tell you, “no i’m not.” but i think right now the answer isn’t for you to try to make me feel better. because i feel like i’ve already been too self-indulgent. i just want to let it all go and keep moving along. i want to let all that go and quit trying to make sense of all these hard times and just release them. just let them float away and start off new. stand up from the pavement, shake the string from my limbs and skip off down the park and watch some old men play chess and little kids run around shouting and moms watching nearby as they read a book. that’s what i want. it’d be nice to still believe in santa, and add that to my christmas list.

Everyone likes lists, right? Well welcome to the humble abode of the List Maker:

  • I was talking to Holly last night (in the midst of all-out, no holds barred girl talk) and mentioned that “Emotions aren’t logical.” and I think about it, and it seems ever more true. For instance, an hour ago I could not have been any more upset and angered, towing my little gray storm cloud (not even a rain cloud would do!) behind me. And while I’m still hurt and upset, I’m licking my wounds a bit more because now I’m softened. But the sad thing is that I know that if you give me long enough, even just a few hours, that rollercoaster will take off again. And that instability, inconsistency just doesn’t make sense. Illogical.
  • Which leads me to my next point. God isn’t logical. But that’s one of the reasons why I love him so much—he’s so much bigger than I can understand and I think that’s a good thing. I rest assured putting my faith and hopes and future in the hands of someone who is that much bigger than me, someone who I can’t even come close to understanding. Because I’m not supposed. That’s why I’m made in his image; merely a reflection, not an equal.
  • I gave up reading that book “A General Theory of Love.” it was interesting at first, talking about all the different roles of the brain and how the brain’s evolved and that the last evolvement (the limbic part of the brain) is where emotions came into play. it was interesting and had me captivated for about an evening, but then I got tired of wading through the science-y muck.
  • I’ve now started reading this book I nabbed when I was down in Birmingham—back in 2004. It’s called “Devil in the Details” and is a memoir of a girl who suffers from OCD. I’m only about 20 pages into it because last night I was set to dig in and waste my night away doing that but, given the Rollercoaster, couldn’t concentrate and instead wasted it on naps and TV.
  • I’m patiently waiting for a package of American Apparel t-shirts to arrive. I ordered them about a week and a half ago, I think. I WANT MY CUTE V-NECK T-SHIRTS!!
    aashirt.png
  • This weekend I’m going on a retreat for the middle and high school ministries at church. I’m really looking forward to it and to take a break from everything stressful that’s going on, and just focus on things that are good and healthy and hopeful and promising. Which is also why I’ve agreed to go to this teen christian convention, TCTC, as a chaperone in January. I know it’s some time away and I know that after last January, I said I’d never do another overnight again (those kids can be so wild, and I’m not one for discipline), but I feel like this is something I’m sure I can’t go wrong with. So I’m looking forward to it and, for one weekend, letting go of the selfishness that otherwise consumes my life.
  • tonight I’m going to paul’s awards dinner + ceremony. I’m conflicted about it because everything has not been going well in that area and I feel like this is just one more opportunity for stuff (well nice to meet you, euphemism) to hit the fan. I want it to go well and for things to be smoothed over with us but my hopes aren’t high. It just seems that frustration has been reigning supreme lately, above all else. And that’s draining. So we’ll see. I think that’s one of the big reasons why I’m so glad to get away this weekend.

i’ve been looking up verses about “growth” and “planting” for this (possibly?) impending tattoo, when i came across this verse, that seemed pretty well timed, considering everything of late:

Colossians 1:10
9-12 We pray that you’ll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.

here are the other verses i’ve come across that speak to this idea. i think it’d be cool to integrate some sort of verse into the whole leaf/heart/God image:

Philippians 1:9-11
So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well.

2 Peter 3:18
But grow in the grace and knowledge
of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
To him be glory both now and forever! Amen.

Hebrews 12:15 (New International Version)
See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

Colossians 1:6 (New International Version)
All over the world this gospel is bearing fruit and growing, just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and understood God’s grace in all its truth.

Ephesians 4:15 (New International Version)
15Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

1 Corinthians 3:7 (New International Version)
So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.

Matthew 13:32 (New International Version)
Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches.”

Deuteronomy 32:2 (New International Version)
Let my teaching fall like rain
and my words descend like dew,
like showers on new grass,
like abundant rain on tender plants.

today could not be any more confusing, any more shape-shifting, any more clumsy. i can hardly think straight long enough to formulate a fluent train of thought, everything’s so mishmashed and disjointed. i think that’s what happens when everything gets turned upside down and you don’t even know where to begin. that’s how i feel.

but despite that, today has reignited my love for my friends, who make me fancy mashed potatoes and cookies with frosting and who come to hang out because they know i need it. of course i never doubted that; i know how blessed i am with my friends. but it feels good to feel loved and to know it, without a doubt, deep into your bones.

part of me is really sad and part of me is really relieved. and unfortunately i don’t think this is the time/place to go into such things. so i apologize for the enigmatic-ness of this entry. but it feels good to admit that everything isn’t ok. that sometimes things suck.

and so i’m reminded of a sermon jonathan did a long time ago–i’m guessing around Easter–when he talked about how, like Jesus, there are going to be Fridays in our lives. but, as with his ressurrection, SUNDAY will always triumph. so long as we love God and embrace his will, Sunday will always come and we will be rescued.

right now a Hey Mercedes song just came on, and it seems fitting: “it’s such a beautiful day to be sad.” because today after church, it started raining, big cold heavy wet raindrops. and i had to walk around in them. but i didn’t run or try to cover up because it was comforting–that i was sad and the weather didn’t laugh in my face, but instead consoled and let me continue that way, to ride the wave out and embrace it and sink into it.

before that was my favorite Smoking Popes song where it goes “no more smiles, it’s just teardrops falling to the ground. now it’s around here, i don’t love you anymore. and i’m sorry about it, when did my heart change its mind? must have been near the changing of time. no more smiles from now on, they are all gone. i’ll never understand what went wrong.” and the third song in this little string of consolations is an Andrew Bird one, titled, “Don’t Be Scared.” which i think is a good note to end on. because Sunday will always come. and i know that even though things suck and i don’t know what they mean or where they’re coming from, that that is a comfort. and i have nothing to be scared from. God has carried me this far, so why would he let go anytime soon? He won’t.

i’m sitting at home listening to “hey delilah,” ready for the weekend. it’s very peaceful. like a breath of fresh air.

last night i met brianna and, sitting in the comfy couches of starbucks, i sipped my peppermint white chocolate latte and she her eggnog latte (although i’m not positive that either of them were lattes; i have no understanding about any of those differences. all i can tell is whether it’s hot or cold). anyway, we got on the subject of tattoos. it’s not anything i’d ever been interested in, but over this summer, something has begun to change…i think it’d be nice.

the problem has always been that i’m a very safe decision-maker; i shop around before i make any big purchase. i don’t commit to big plans until i’ve had time to mull them over and make certain they’ll work. i keep an excel spreadsheet of my finances and budget. so when it comes to things that will last forever, it’s not exactly in my comfort zone. i look back at the clothes i wore even 4 years ago and cringe–were my skirts really that short?! did i really think the whole newsboy cap was cool?! really?! and i know that that’s as much a result of growing up and settling more comfortably into my own skin (as opposed to society/what everyone else is doing). but still. am i capable to make any decision that lasts that long?

i haven’t decided. but i’ve been kicking it around. i’ve come so far as to think that what i would like to get is something with a leaf or a fern. ideally it’d be a leaf in the shape of a heart of some sort. the idea behind that is that “God is love” and I feel closest/most aware of Him and His grandness when i’m out in nature. everything about nature just seems to edify me and–no pun intended–ground me. i think that’s one of the reasons why i love the color green so much; it’s so symbolic. anyway, so rather than the usual cross or icthus, that’s what i’d get to represent my faith for me.

i was originally thinking it’d be cool to get it on my left wrist (to remind me to spread that love out into the world, be Jesus’ hands and feet in my actions), but that’s where my fear gets the best of me. what if i’m 50 and get self-conscious of it? i’m not too fond of long-sleeves as it is, so that’s a great deal of commitment. the next logical place is my back or on my side. but then i wonder, if i don’t see it, what’s the point? however i used to wear a cross necklace because i thought it’d help me remind me of my faith and the whole WWJD thing, but inevitably i’d forget i was wearing it, so i’m sure this is just another one of those you’re-bound-to-get-used-to-it things anyway.

here’s the best example i could find:

317134536_0bfcc48532.jpg

but i did convince brianna to let me go with her when she gets hers, hopefully next month.

i’ve got to say, it’s been a picture-perfect thursday. paul’s been sick, so last night i went over to keep him company (and also learn how to play guitar hero, although i was disappointed that “reputation” wasn’t the joan jett version). we were listening to the new angels and airwaves cd that he got and fell asleep on his bedroom floor. i feel like lately i’ve been sleeping more and more, and half the time i feel like i ought to be back in high school, heading to bed at 10:30. i’ve just been chalking it up to “old age.”

anyway we woke up and i left around 2am, came home and decided to head in late to work. so i didn’t wake up until almost 10 when i made my way into work. it was a productive day at the office and flew by. came home, watched some ANTM, and here i am. in about an hour i’m going to go meet brianna at starbucks, which will be a nice way to wound down the night.

although i have been playing around with paint shop pro which came on my laptop but was always too complicated. i started messing around with it this morning and the stuff from the photoshop class i took back in college (which i can hardly believe is over 3 years ago!) has started coming back. maybe we’ll see some fun examples of that on here soon. i’d like to take photos more regularly. otherwise i feel like the new camera isn’t really going to use. in the meantime, here’s a picture i played with of me and paul:

olddaysportrait31.jpg

on a less “dear diary”-esque note, my church has started a blog that they update with ideas for bible readings and discussions. i think it’ll be a good tool to use for short daily readings/devotionals, especially because there’s no flipping or fumbling involved–click and it’s there, plus you can access it from anywhere. i love seeing churches and faith be so hip to the technological age; it’s pretty cool.

last night i just started reading “a general theory of love,” which came highly recommended from a designer who was in town for work the other week. she raved about it, so i grabbed it from the library and am giving it a shot. about 40 pages in, and finding the book interesting but very academic. you have to focus to read it, and i have yet to come across anything particularly gripping or worth jotting down, but still. plus, the authors use lots of big words, so it’s good mental floss!

dsc00458.jpg

dsc00459.jpg

my favorite time of year. the other night i was driving to church and drove through old milford, and the white christmas lights were already strung on the trees through the downtown part. it was beautiful, and just reminded me that–as much as my boyfriend doesn’t want to admit it–it’s official: the holidays are here!

this stretch from thanksgiving to christmas is hands down my favorite time of year. i wouldn’t go so far as to say that winter is my favorite season because that’s exactly the opposite (give me spring or fall any day), but i get all antsy just thinking about it. i’ve finally gotten to start wearing my coat and scarves. of course i still mutter under my breath at how chilly it’s gotten (albeit not cold enough to start wearing socks, which i hate). soon it will be time to inaugurate the tights and (cute) knitted winter hats!

newcoat.jpg

and with all that, not to mention the extra excuses for pumpkin pie or even more trips to starbucks, it calls to mind a couple reasons why this is my favorite time of year, that i thought i’d share: for thanksgiving and christmas eve, we celebrate with my mom’s side of the family. these are filled with good food and lounging in front of the tv, while everyone pages through the store circulars, or my aunt tells loud stories, or my cousins bicker about sports or who could beat up who, or my other aunt or my dad run around with a video recorder, documenting all of this. it will be interesting this year, because there will be two newbies added to the cast. this past summer my younger cousin got married and this coming weekend, another will. both are boys and so this adds more girls to the mix (growing up, there were only three of us, versus seven boys).

and another element that’s already begun (you can tell i’m growing up), is that i’ve already started my christmas shopping. that’s one of my other favorite things. i hate forced/obligated shopping because the presents that come from that usually suck and end up being a waste. but getting to find a perfect present that you’re pretty darn sure that someone is going to love? that’s my favorite part. getting gifts for my sister is like that, and is why she’s my favorite to shop for–because i know that i can always pick something out for her that she’ll get excited about. we have a tradition at my house where, on christmas eve, the kids each get to open one present that the others got for them. (in my entrepreneurial youth, this was a tradition i instituted as an attempt to tide over having to wait through another night to open presents. it still lives on today.) and without fail, my sister always chooses a present that i got her.

so if you want to sneak a peek, feel free to dig under my bed, which is where i’ve been storing the gifts until trees and ornaments go up. in the past, i’ve found that if i can get my shopping done earlier, then it makes things feel that much more christmas-y, because rather than feel obligated/stressed about running around and checking things off lists, i have the time to enjoy the season. so we’ll see. for now, i’m just happy there isn’t any snow…yet.

when becky and i went to birmingham for liz’s wedding, she told me about the band sea wolf. we listened to the cd in the car but inevitably we were distracted by games of MASH (i ended up marrying Kappy from “Greek” and living in a shack) and all sorts of catch-up chat. it made for great background music, but i didn’t give it a wholehearted listen until today when i’ve been listening to the cd on repeat.

here is one of my favorite songs:

Well I’m so sad tonight
And the words won’t come out right
It’s been a long day on the track
And its stamina that I lack

So won’t you run to me tonight?
Tonight we could pretend we’re just lovers
But I’ll only ever be a middle distance runner

Well my heart is beating hard
And I’m off with a shot at the start
And my legs tremble from strain
But by the finish line I’ll drain

So won’t you run to me tonight?
Tonight let’s not talk about next summer
Cause I’ll only ever be a middle distance runner

Well I’m so proud tonight
Of the woman you’ve become
And I’m just too tired to fight
So my darling, I’ll succumb

But you’ll have to run to me tonight
Tonight I will love you forever
But I’ll only ever be a middle distance runner 

the idea of doubt is weird to me. because if you talk about god, even though i don’t understand him and i know i still have miles and acres to traverse and learn about him, i still know that He is good and He loves me and He will watch out for me. i don’t really have a hard time grappling that. or at least i don’t think i do.

but i’ve realized, lately, that when it comes to matters of the heart, i do.  i have a hard time giving my heart over and trusting in it. i think it’s a flip-of-the-coin thing: in the good in the bad, i know that God is doing what ultimately is best for me, even through the struggles and hard times. so i know that they will come and that they will strengthen me. but i think that i almost expect them too much. that even though i trust they will be for good, i expect them to happen. and so i set myself up for them and keep a watchful eye, almost willing them to happen.

i’ve realized that i do that with paul. and, admittedly, it’s dumb. we talk at least once a day. he holds doors for me and smiles at me and listens to me. he opens up to me. we hang out multiple times a week (this past week, we hung out, for some amount of time, on sunday, monday, thursday, friday and saturday). so should i doubt? but inevitably i do. with thoughts of “well he doesn’t do this like he used to” or “this has changed.” it almost seems inevitable for me to think that he’s always on the brink of leaving or losing interest. and i suppose it’s probably a lot of  insecurities, but i also chalk much of it up to selfishness.

because in my doubting, what does that say to him? your word isn’t good enough? your past actions aren’t good enough?

i try to think of relationships–friendships, romantic, etc.–in light of God. and so i think about how in the Bible they always refer to him as “the God of Israel” or “the God of Abraham.” they reference the things he’s done, almost as a reminder and testament of his nature–what he’s done in the past and so what he’s certain to do in the future. and yet, you watch time and time again how the israelites turn their back on god and stop trusting him. i mean, they’ve seen him provide for them and lead them out of deserts, and yet they still waver. which is why i think those reminders of how he’s proven himself in the past are so important; as humans we need those reminders. because we’re so easy to stray.

and so i have to learn to trust and let past actions speak for themselves, and quit being wrapped up in looking out for myself–and expecting that i’m the only one who will do that. it reminds me of the whole adam and eve story, when eve’s convinced to eat the fruit, because satan convinces her that god is holding out on her. and so she doubts god and all the promises he’s made and all the past blessings he’s poured out. she wavers and decides to take matters into her own hands. she turns her back on god and sins. i have to let go of that need to control and be on alert for those things. i’m sure i’ll never really overcome that (i think that’s kind of the curse of being a daughter of eve), but still. i want to trust instead of doubt. which otherwise i feel like comes so easily.

i think it’s hard with paul because there’s a lot at stake. of course i know that if it goes south, there’s purpose in that and that it’s just another step along the way. and i can handle that–i’ve been there before. so what am i so scared of?

but then i think about how God fashioned us after him, how he planted little pieces/reflections of himself in us. and i wonder if this, this need for reassurance, is a manipulation of Him. because you look at how Jesus shows us how to pray in the Lord’s Prayer. the first thing he does is praise God. he tells God that he loves him. and God loves that, God wants to hear that. he knows everything about us and everything in our hearts and everything before it happens, but yet he still likes hearing it. just like i do. and in church today we were talking about doubt, and Jonathan quoted the verse in Mark 9:24  where a man tells Jesus, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” he believes but still has unbelief.

so that’s not me making excuses, it’s just me exploring and prodding. and trying to learn.

TOPICS OF CONVERSATION