i’m officially two-thirds of the way through “girl meets god” (on page 200 of an almost-300-page novel), a book that holly has been telling me to read probably since i first met her.

the thing that i love about it is how reassuring and sobering it is, because there’s this girl who took something so special and personal to her–her religion and relationship with God–and put it down on paper. that’s a scary thing. it’s a scary thing to even talk to my friends about, much less strangers. and so i enjoy reading the book because it reminds me that people like that exist out there–people who put their hearts on the line. more importantly, it gives me something to aspire to.

tomorrow i have an appointment with a counselor, which i think ties in with all this and the idea of opening up and welcoming in. and trusting that your insides aren’t so dirty or cluttery as you’d thought them to be. in fact, they’re quite cozy, because everyone else’s are just as dusty and unkempt, too.

i think what i’m looking forward to, the most, though is the coupled insight and accountability it will offer. sometimes i’m at my wit’s end for what’s the “right” thing to do. i have quite a knack at arguing myself into any corner and while it helps me see all sides of an argument and not be judgemental (a compliment i’ve much been comforted by), when it involves myself, i end up in a deadlock not knowing which path to take. so i’m looking forward to having someone who doesn’t owe me anything but his time and insights to challenge me and tell me to “buck up” or whatever his advice is going to be.

also, i read a book where a girl went to a counselor and she asked him for homework after every session. i think that’s a grand idea and something that will really fit in well with my learning approach (being that it’s very rules-oriented and almost mathematical or analytic).

so that’s tomorrow during my lunchbreak. i’m encouraged by it.